out with the old...

Striking differences since when I first started planning this wedding. Since then, I have moved into an apartment with my love Kris. We attempted to let my father live with us, lasting a whole two weeks. His drug use was out of control and the final straw was his vomiting all over my floor and then laughing about it. My main issue was that I had to parent my father. I was the one talking to him about being irresponsible. So now he's gone, and I'm still trying to salvage what I can out of our dismal relationship. On top of it all, my aunt is no longer talking to me either.

This matters because Kris and I have decided to scrap all pretty little wedding plans, and to go to Reno and get married there. Originally, we were going to go to my aunt's ranch house and help her clean her property up and then go elope towards the end of our stay.

Now, I have decided not to tell my father or any of his side of the family about the wedding. We are booking a small little Reno chapel and have invited Kris' mom, my mom, and three other people. There will still be something old (my patent leather heels), something new (a dress), something borrowed, (my grandmother's pearls), and something blue (my hair).

So it is out with the old family, in with my new family. I received a thoughtful piece of advice from my mom. She reminded me that I'm starting a new family now, and all of my energy needs to be devoted to that.

Everything else has delightfully gone out the window. I am rather excited to be able to do things my way now. I had started to feel stifled at the idea of such a traditional affair when I am anything but. My sadness comes from the fact that my father's side of the family will not know, or be a part of.

After spending hours crying over this I realized, thanks to my little voice in the back of my head, that I was okay with this. I have come to realize that I am starting my own life, with my own family. If the Norris side of my family has decided to be petty and play these little games, then I obviously do not need them in my life. I still have my mom and all of her family, and now I am taking on Kris' family. Yes, I have plenty of family and they all love and support me.

Even though I hate the word "spiritually", I feel like this is the appropriate place to use it. So I have spiritually cleansed myself of the drama and pettiness and I am ready to move on to a more peaceful place in my life.